As we live in this current era of Covid, we are continually shifting how we do events now, and looking for ways in which we can do weddings and events in a safe manner. But it hasn’t been easy, especially for our couples. 

Want the audio version? Click here for The Wedding Session podcast episode.

5 stages of grief planning a covid wedding. This post is something we’ve been going back and forth on whether we should share. It is a sensitive topic, especially for our Covid couples and while we hope this is not a TRIGGER for you to read, our hope is that you will walk away knowing you’re not alone! At the end, we will provide you with some tips you can use to help overcome some of the big emotions and frustrations you might be feeling.

Imagine! You’re FINALLY engaged and begin the wedding planning process. You’re coming down to the wire, with weeks left to the big day. And suddenly…Everything is postponed.

Everything you’ve been planning, the emotions leading up to the day, have all but stopped mid-tracks.

How do you cope.

Let us lead you down the emotional path that you might be feeling. Starting with total and utter denial.

Grief stage 1 – Denial

As the World shut down at different times, early spring marked the shift in the reality that we knew. People are being sent home, shops are closed, and weddings + events were now cancelled. 

• “Wait what? I’m about to get married next weekend…where does that leave us?”
• “This CANNOT be happening. I’ve been planning this day for a whole year. We’ve already been engaged for 2 years.” 
• “What do you mean people can’t travel anymore.”
• “It’ll be over by the summer”

Uhm Nope.

Grief stage 2 – Anger

ARE YOU EFFIN’ KIDDING ME? I have everything planned, and now everything is in limbo. 

• “I have deposits down that I can’t get back.”
• “Some of my vendors are saying they want to cancel entirely!”
• “I have family members asking ‘IS IT SAFE’ – like, I don’t know?!” 
• “I have guests travelling from everywhere and now, when is travel even allowed?”
• “Will I even be able to have a honeymoon?”
• “We want to start a family as soon as possible, what do we do?”

And, what is heck a micro wedding?! What are all these rules? Can I dance at my own wedding? OH I can’t? … greatttttt. 

Grief stage 3 – Bargaining

So…So. Ok. Fine.

• “What do I need to do, and who do I need to speak to, to make this happen.” 
• “Maybe I will shave off 75% of my guests, and do a Covid-compliant wedding…I have no idea who to cut.”
• “Maybe we can do it in January, instead of July. You can do sunflowers in the winter, right?!”
• “Maybe we just have it at the beach outside, even if it’s January?”

All I need to do is find vendors who will work with me, even if it’s slightly bending some rules. Forgiveness over permission, right?

Grief stage 4 – Depression

Depression hits. Today I’m feeling.it.all……

• “The experience and idea in my head of the day, is now a distant memory.”
• “I’ve already planned one wedding, now I have to plan another. But I don’t feel like looking at my emails to answer yet another question from a vendor.”
• “We can’t do a micro wedding because we can’t downscale our guest count, and the thought of having to do this twice is too much for my soul.”
• “I can’t sleep because I’m concerned if someone gets sick at the reception.” 
• “Reality is, we wanted to start a family after the wedding, and now we have to wait a another year before we can even try.”

This really sucks. What should I do? So many people are asking me questions and the truth is, I really just don’t know. 

Grief stage 5 – Acceptance

Finally…

• “I woke up today, and realized that after all of this, it’s going to be ok. I’m safe, I’m loved, I’m not alone.”
• “We’re in this for the next year, but I’m surrounded by people who love me and will do what they can to help us.” 
• “I’m with my fiancé, my wingman, my one person. This is something we can overcome together as a couple, and make us both stronger for it.”
• “Now we have an opportunity to plan the wedding we always wanted, but felt we couldn’t have because of family expectations, etc.”

It might take some time, but you will make it to Stage 5. While working through the stages at your own pace, here are some things to consider:

Putting aside the impact of Covid as a virus, you are allowed to be mad and upset and disappointed that your wedding day has been postponed.

• Planning a wedding is an emotional rollercoaster, as you juggle family relationships while planning a very special day. You’re happy, you’re frustrated, you’re overwhelmed, you’re excited.
• Don’t let anyone make you feel ridiculous for having these feelings. Because 9 times out 10, they’ve already had their own dream wedding and experienced other life milestones. 

Decide what you would like to do, and stick with it. 

• Downscale to a micro-wedding or elopement. Have something small now, followed by a party next year. Wait it out entirely and re-plan a whole new day. There is no right or wrong, just what works best for you both.
• Some Covid couples have had to re-plan they larger weddings to very intimate elopements that follow within the guidelines and protocols, which worked out to be an even better solution then trying to postpone. Alternatively, other couples decide to postpone for the reception they want but are redirecting their plans into the vision that worked better than the original plan!

Photo credit: I am John Yoo Weddings | Couple: Vanessa & Steve of Modern Mix 

Consider what your “non-negotiables” are so you’re not disappointed on the day.

• For example, maybe your parents have to fly in from out of town, or maybe you want to be able to have a dance party, or maybe you can’t bring the guest count down to under the required guest count.
• If you’re not ok with these as you plan ahead, you might run the risk of disappointment on the day as you walk into the reception. And remember, no one can photoshop a smile. 
• Remember the day is about you two. It’s still going to be an amazing day with love as the host!

Photo credit: Menze Visuals | Couple: Laura & Tina

Source locally!

The wedding industry is full of small businesses hurting right now as all events have been postponed or cancelled. Source locally! Additional bonus, the items won’t getting stuck at the border.

Photo credit: Aiota Photography | Guest favour: Lulu island Honey 

If you’re concerned about navigating through this whole season, hire a planner.

• They are there to assist you with contracts and understanding what you can and can’t do right now. They can help with ideas on venues, last minute vendors, suggestions on tips and tricks to make the day run smoothly. Trust in the pros!

Photo credit: Aiota Photography | Venue: Dockside Restaurant